Miss perfectionist

Do you have accomplishments? Things that you are really proud of, such as getting a really high grade, winning a tournament, finally getting the job you have always aspired to, graduating from a university, or anything else? I'm sure you do. I have always been a perfectionist ( oldest child!) and have really tried to go beyond what people expect of me. Except that wasn't what I told myself in my head. My motivation was to be PERFECT, to be the BEST out of everyone. Of course I did really well in my schoolwork, I was (and still am) VERY athletic, and everyone except for my immediate family could've thought I was perfect from how I showed myself to the outside world. BUT I WASN'T SATISFIED!! I wasn't satisfied with being a black belt, being really smart, or even adults commenting that I was "a really sweet young lady." I always wanted more, my accomplishments didn't give me a sense of gladness or even a little pride. I was trying to build up my self-esteem with me, my perfectionist self. But it didn't work because I still expected myself to be the BEST. So I began tearing myself down. In my mind I would tell myself, " You're not good enough, you're ugly, you're stupid, and (gasp) you're FAT." That was what went on in my head 24/7. I'm not exaggerating!!! When I had free time from schoolwork, Tae Kwon Do, and church I would work out or crumple up on my bedroom floor and just cry my eyes out. You have got to realize that this is a painful memory for me! I would tell myself as I sobbed that I was fat and that this world would be better off without me. Have you known that feeling? Please don't let it take over your life, like it did me! God has created ALL people with unfathomable worth. We are all created in the image of GOD.