Today in church my pastor talked about worry. To tell you the truth, I really didn't feel like listening! Last night my best friend's brother had his 18th birthday party (congratulations Austin!!) and we didn't get home till 11:30, way after I was ready to hit the sack. I was exhausted this morning. Instead of listening to Pastor Gary like I was SUPPOSED to be doing I was trying not to fall asleep. That is, until he said something along the lines of " This is so relevant for people who are struggling with their self-esteem......" WAKE UP CALL!! "Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap (plant or harvest) nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they?" (Matthew 6:26)
Worry was really the biggest part of my eating disorder. I worried about what people thought of me: if I was fat, if I was stupid, if I was ugly and mean. I worried that I wasn't smart enough: if I could have done better, if I was meeting my mom's expectations, if I was "dumber" than other kids. I worried about what I was gonna have for dinner: if I would be expected to eat more than I wanted to, if it was something I was afraid of!! And those are only the main things! Do you know what it is like to be afraid of food? EVERY SINGLE DAY I WOULD SHUT DOWN BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO EAT. After dinner I would sit on the couch, curl up my knees, bend my head, and shut my eyes while I thought "You're fat, you're ugly, you DON'T DESERVE TO EAT." Worry, worry, worry: that was what I did!
Pastor Gary spoke on Matthew 6: 19-34. One of the key verses was "Therefore do not worry, saying,' What are we going to have to eat?' or, 'What are we going to have to drink' or, 'What are we going to have to wear?" Did God have this written just for me? I wouldn't be surprised if He had me in mind when He filled Matthew with the inspiration for this verse!! This is a clear command to NOT WORRY. But worrying is easy, God! We just think of all the bad stuff that could happen and then never stop! What's the big deal? Why can't I worry? Sure, it makes me anxious, unproductive, and it wastes my time.......wait, all those are bad things! And if you really think about it, the vast majority of what you worry about just isn't gonna happen. I'm not fat, I'm not stupid, I'm not a detriment to my family! I am fear fully and wonderfully made, an amazing creation. And guess what: YOU ARE TOO!!!!!!! God doesn't lie, and I can tell you that from experience. (Just in case you don't believe what I just said, about you being ana amazing creation, check out Psalm 139: 13-15. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth." YOU ARE SPECIAL, PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!
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