Enough?

October 12, Saturday, 2013
Does everybody have insecurities? Because sometimes I feel like I am all alone.

I was feeling sort of depressed today, so I guess I dumped on God a little bit:

 

 

     God, do I really have value? What is my purpose? Why its this life so hard? Why do I feel so ugly, fat, stupid, and mean? Why can't I be.............??......



     I just thought of something: I don't have a specific image of how I want to be. I remember pictures of women who are thin and look like they are the fittest people on earth, but do I want to look like that and be like them? This has not really hit me before. All that I have been thinking is that I'm not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, or pretty enough the way I am. Is this a problem? What's the point of beating myself up if I don't know what my specific offense was? I only do that because I am bombarded with the message "You are not          enough" from resources all over the place: the Internet, ads in the store, in newspapers, in magazines, and the TV. I also do this because I fear that I will not be able to reach my goals. It is my fault that I believe these messages, but why do they keep on coming back and destroying me?

      Those ladies on the front covers of magazines portray to the world what the ultimate body should look like, they aren't just what is A way, they are THE way. And if I don't look like that, well, am I worth anything?

     Those weight loss ads tell you how to lose so much weight in so much time. That makes me feel like I need to lose weight. And if I don't lose any weight, well, am I fat?

     Make-up ads tell me that I will be beautiful if I use their products. And if I don't use their products or wear any make-up at all, am I ugly?

      All the competition around me tells me that if I don't have a good enough grade, I won't reach my goals for my future. If I struggle a little bit in one subject, does that mean that I'm stupid and will never become successful in any good way?

     Photos of REALLY muscular people tell me that if I don't have a six-pack or if I'm not tan or if I can't do a ton of push-ups or sit-ups or squats, then I am weak and always will be. And if I don't look like that woman, does that mean that I can never be a rescue swimmer? Does that mean that I am weak? 

     God, what is up with me?!!? Haven't Christians always been the "perfect" people?

 

When I realized that I didn't have a specific image that I wanted to be in a month, or in a year, I finally realized that those women on magazines are not role-models to the people who read about them. Or just look at them. They are just images to me. I know that they are real people created by

God. I'm trying to point out that those images have no important impact on my life for the good. So why do I take these subtle messages to heart? Well, they are lies, and often lies are easier to believe than the truth. I've believed the lies for so long, that I don't know how to believe and keep on acting on the truth 100% of the time.

     And what is the truth? Well, the truth is that I am a tiny little human being. The truth is that I have no special powers. The truth is that there is a God who is in charge of everything. He did not give me this. He let it happen for a reason. If my God is letting me go through this really hard trial for a reason, then I would think that His reason has importance. So the truth is that I have nothing special to give to anyone unless it is backed up by God. That might sound depressing, but it means that I can become a great person and don't have to wear myself out trying to be "good enough." !!!